Word, We Need To TalkWord, We Need To Talk

Hey there, Word. How're things? Seems like you're doing okay. I hear you have a new release coming shortly, in Office 2010. In fact, I've been meaning to talk to you about that.I know we haven't been seeing as much of each other in recent months. So let me be honest here and just lay it all out.

I'm just not that into you anymore.

Truth be told, I've been seeing Google Docs, and it's been working out well for me. I can start writing a story at home, come into work and pick up where I left off.

When we were working together I was e-mailing myself .doc files, and sometimes I'd forget. It just got old.

I flirted with Google Docs early on but it was missing a few features I considered crucial, like Word Count and Fixed Page Width view. And the early interface left something to be desired. But it's gotten much better.

And as much as I hate to say it given our long history -- remember when we met in 1985 on the original Macintosh? -- we don't have a future.

I'm temped to soften the blow with something like "It's not you, it's me." But really, it's you.

There's the fact that you insert spaces at the beginning and end of URLs that I paste into a document for links I'm making. I suspect there's a setting to change that but it's just too much bother.

Frankly, you've let yourself go, acquiring more features than anyone could possibly need.

Google Docs is just, well, less trouble to deal with. There's no patching and it just works.

What's more, I've come to resent your upgrade pressure. I've lost count of the number of times I upgraded you and for what? I just need to type stuff and save it. I really don't need the bells and whistles. Every two or three years, there's a new version to buy that does pretty much the same thing.

I won't ask you to move out immediately. You can hang around on my hard drive. You don't take up too much space and it's kind of comforting just having you around.

Hey, cheer up. You've got like 500 million users or so. You'll get by. You probably won't even miss me.